Personal rant

I just had to write these feelings out. It's a personal rant that I am posting just to show someone out there that is going through something like this that you are not alone.




I started this out not knowing what to say. This thought has been really have on my heart as of the past few months. I feel like this is a safe place for me to express these thoughts and emotions. I been in love with a man for 10 years of my life, but I always been the best friend. For 10 years, I just played my role as my heart bleed. Don't get it wrong, I had relationships, but my heart always wanted him. I tried and tried so many times to get over him and "let it go", but there was always something not allowing me to let go. Now I see that the writing is on the wall and he has a girlfriend, but that force will not let go. I miss my best friend, but this foolish pride will not allow me to reach out to him. I guess I don't want to seem like a pest or something. I guess I just got to get use to not talking to him, and it's going to be hard since I known him since I was 14.

New Year & NEW PLAN

Hey everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the last post of the 2013, and it's been a great year for me. I want to thank all of you for the love I have receive here on my blog. I have over 1,700 views, and it's all because of you and I thank you.  2014 is going to be even big and better. I plan with your help and support we can make my blog popular and spread the word about the Good in people and my hometown. With your help and support, I can stay with my diet and be healthier.

I still can not be it's the end of 2013. Tell me in the comments below or tweet me using the hash tag below with what's your plan / New Year Resolutions for 2014, and I will reply to the first 20 people who use this tag.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

#awordwithjhonzalee

Un-Deathly Love

 

I am a hopeless romantic. Some one once asked me what kind of relationship am I looking for. I did not know how to describe in words my "perfect" relationship. Then it hit me, I only said "I want to be in love like Morticia and Gomez Addams". They looked at me with confusion in their eyes. It's true, I want my relationship to be like their relationship. No matter if it looks wrong to others it feels right to us. 

 

The love that the Addams family couple has for each other is the most pure you will ever see in Hollywood. They may not be a real couple, but they are the go to for all standards of relationships and marriages. I love how after so many years they still love and lust after each other like it's the first time seeing each other. 

I could go on and on about this couple, but I know I will at a later date,yet until then my friends go and watch the movies and youtube the television show. I see you later darlings. 

What is a "Friend" to you?

What are friends to you? No, I'm not talking about these friends, but

according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the word means:

a :  one attached to another by affection or esteem

b :  acquaintance

                                                                                             a :  one that is not hostile

                                                                                b :  one that is of the same nation, party, or group

                                                                                  :  one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)

                                                   :  a favored companion

Do you agree with this definition? I do in part. Yes, your friends are attach to you by affection. If something happen to your friend or even when they get sick, you always there to help them feel better. I don't agree so much with the esteem part because I do not understand what they mean by "esteem" in this content. 

By this definition, your mate can be called a "friend". This question came to my mind as I was hanging out with a long time best friend of mine. I always wonder how do we pick are friends. Is it true that our friends represent a part of us that we are not allowed to show do to our position in society? I also wonder what make you no longer want to be friends with someone. There are many different question that can come about with this definition, but I know for a fact in my case that my friends are my family, clear-mind in a storm, and shoulder to cry on. I could go on and on about this topic, but I want to hear from you.

In the comments tell me what the word "friend" mean to you.

World Aids Days

Today is the world Aids Day! I want all of you that are sexually active to go get tested. Not just on the December 1st, but every 3 months. Its important that everyone knows their status no matter what "lifestyle" you live you need to know your status.

More than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 5 (18.1%) are unaware of their infection. Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men, particularly young black/African American, are most seriously affected by HIV. By race, blacks/African Americans face the most severe burden of HIV. 

HIV Diagnoses (new diagnoses, regardless of when infection occurred): In 2011, an estimated 49,273 people were diagnosed with HIV infection in the United States. In that same year, an estimated 32,052 people were diagnosed with AIDS. Since the epidemic began, an estimated 1,155,792 people in the United States have been diagnosed with AIDS.

Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men of all races and ethnicities remain the population most profoundly affected by HIV. In 2010, the estimated number of new HIV infections among was 29,800, a significant 12% increase from the 26,700 new infections among in 2008. Although  represent about 4% of the male population in the United States, in 2010, accounted for 78% of new HIV infections among males and 63% of all new infections. Accounted for 52% of all people living with HIV infection in 2009, the most recent year these data are available.

In 2010, white continued to account for the largest number of new HIV infections (11,200), by transmission category, followed closely by black (10,600). The estimated number of new HIV infections was greatest among in the youngest age group. In 2010, the greatest number of new HIV infections (4,800) among occurred in young black/African American aged 13–24. Young black accounted for 45% of new HIV infections among black and 55% of new HIV infections among young overall. Since the epidemic began, an estimated 302,148 with an AIDS diagnosis have died, including an estimated 5,909 in 2010.

Heterosexuals and Injection Drug Users also continue to be affected by HIV. Heterosexuals accounted for 25% of estimated new HIV infections in 2010 and 27% of people living with HIV infection in 2009. Since the epidemic began, almost 85,000 persons with an AIDS diagnosis, infected through heterosexual sex, have died, included an estimated 4,003 in 2010. New HIV infections among women are primarily attributed to heterosexual contact (84% in 2010) or injection drug use (16% in 2010). Women accounted for 20% of estimated new HIV infections in 2010 and 24% of those living with HIV infection in 2009. The 9,500 new infections among women in 2010 reflect a significant 21% decrease from the 12,000 new infections that occurred among this group in 2008. Injection drug users represented 8% of new HIV infections in 2010 and 16% of those living with HIV in 2009. Since the epidemic began, nearly 182,000 injection drug users with an AIDS diagnosis have died, including an estimated 4,218 in 2010. 

Now, its your turn to do research and get tested for your self, This time I need you to go get tested. Stay safe and wear a condom every time.

"What's your favorite scary movie?" Halloween special post

Halloween is around the corner. In honor of Halloween, I will be listing a few of my favorite scary things/ movies in this post.  LET’S start with movies:

1

.       1 Nightmare on Elm Street: It doesn’t matter which one. The fact I can die in my sleep or awake scares me.

2.      2  Halloween: Mike Myres scares me

3.      3  Friday the 13^th : Nothing scarier than a  undead mom’s boy

4.      4  Steven King’s The It: Clowns are creepy

5.       5 Scream: This movie is the reason I don’t answer any landline phones

 I have a few questions to all of you. What a makes you scream with pure horror? What’s your favorite horror movie?

Spirit Day

Today is Spirit Day. This is a day to educate people on the horror of bullying, and teach young people to stand up to bullying. Today is the day to teach children to stand up to bullying, but not through fighting, yet by speaking up to up against the bully and tell an adult. It’s important for us as adults to teach children not to bully others because their different, and to tell an adult there is an act of bullying taken place.

I have my own personal stories of bullying. I experience bullying from classmates all the way to my own family members. It was a hard time for me and I still have my own struggles with it even today. I had friends who would stand up for me, and even teachers who took a stand against. My bullying story started in the fourth grade. It was valentine day and I gave a boy I had a crush on a card. He came over to me, and he picked up a red dictionary and began to hit me over and over again. Ever since then I would be scared to tell a guy I liked or crush on him. I even wore black every year until recently. I remember the school faculty tries to blame me for the fight. My parents took me out of the school.

Bullying is a topic I take seriously. To all you out there that are going through bullying, it will get better, trust me! I know it’s hard but it will get better. If you being bullied, tell an adult you can trust. If you see someone being bullied, take a stand! Tell an adult immediately and tell the bully it’s not cool to bully someone. We can end all the acts of teen suicides and youth trying to harm themselves. Don't let NO ONE convince you to end your life or hurt yourself. Keep your head up! I LOVE YOU ALL!

SELF LOVE/WEIGHT LOSS *LEAVE A COMMENT *

*LEAVE ANY WEIGHT LOSS TIPS THAT MAY HAVE WORKED FOR YOU ON THIS BLOG*

The topic of weight and weight loss has been in a heavy rotation in my mind for months now. It really had been a part of my life all my life. For many years, I always was the “fat girl” in my group of friends, and trust me; I played up every stereotype you can think of when it came down to it.  I did everything to show that I was happy, but I wasn’t. Until lately, I always played my weight and size as a joke so no one would feel sorry for me. Then I realize I was the only person feeling sorry for me. I realize I was attracting all the negative things to me by the way I was thinking.

                One day I went to the doctor for my annual checkup, when she asks me if I was thinking of starting a family any time soon. I said no, but it is part of my future plans. That’s when she drops the bomb on me. She told me at the weight I am now; carrying a child would be risky. I even could be on bed rest the whole time. Anyone who knows me know, I want children, and I do whatever it takes to have my children healthy,and being a mother is more important to me than anything. I started on a diet. Now, I’m being honest, it’s not a hard diet if a true diet at all. I walk more now that I am back in school and I do 20-30 squats a day. I can start to see my body changing. My friends are very supportive, but I learned that if you not happy with whom you are as a whole no matter how much weight you lose you still be unhappy.

By typing this post, IF I could help one person see how special they are and how they are worthy of love and happiness then I can say my job is done. There have been times I wanted to “end it all”, or felt unworthy to be loved. The day I realize that if I did all of the things I was thinking then I could not live my dream, and the ones who hurt me had won. I’m sorry, but I cannot go out that way. I’m here to tell ANYONE of you who have those dark thoughts of harming yourself or that you not loved.  I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!! If I can make it through the bullying from strangers all the way to my own family members, so can you. Everyone is here for a reason or purpose. DON’T LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR PURPOSE FROM YOU. I have been where you are, and I KNOW the pain and tears you cry, but trust me you are stronger than that. If you need someone to talk to write a letter to yourself and hide it from your sight for a day or two, and when you re-read the letter you wrote you will be amazed how strong you became after you overcame the problem. If you want, you can email me if you just want someone to talk to, or if you can’t talk to anyone around you about it. I just don’t want anyone to go through what I went through. 

NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!!

I know this, I am late posting this, but I had to make sure I was clear in this post. I AM AN ALLY!!! I am also a Christian. With National Coming Out Day just passing on the calendar, it made me think about my gay and lesbian friends who came out to me in the past. The one thing they all had in common was they were afraid I would no longer be their friend, but that was far-removed from the truth. Yes I do have strong religious beliefs, yet I follow one major rule of my faith and that’s “thou shall not judge”. All I care about is if that person, rather boy or girl, is treating you with respect and love other than that I don’t care who you date.  I SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE!!!! I don’t understand what the problem is. I am working on a degree in Psychology, and I can tell you there is no real proof that a child growing up in a household with Same Sex parents are going to be gay or have terrible psychological issues. If they found someone they want to be with for the rest of their lives, and want to marry them. LET THEM!!!!! The world will not end and society will keep going on.

                There are 3 gay men that are my world. I call them my gay husbands. The nickname came about because they all have qualities I look for in my husband, and if they were straight I would totally date them. They are ranked by who came into my life first. I start backwards first.  Husband #3 I call him white chocolate. He is the newest member of the group. I met him through husband #1 because that’s his boyfriend. He is totally sweet and kind guy. The first time we met was at my birthday party last year. I know we have many more years of memories to come, so stay tune for that. #2 husband is my down for whatever husband. He’s also the only husband that watches Rupaul’s Drag Race with me. We talk about the makeup and dresses and the runway of all the queens. He is also the photographer of this family. He also keeps me up on all the underground artists and music. Now we reach the top dog of the group. Husband #1 is my protective and most professional out of all 3. We met 7 years ago and ever since we been together. All this boyfriends have to meet a standard that I have for him (I got to make sure he is a good man that’s all) and the same goes for my boyfriends have to meet his standards. He had opened my eyes to so much. He helps me with my budget, school, resumes, men/dating/ fashion, and my new project losing weight. He always keeps me on track to reaching my goals just like the other husbands. I don’t know where I would be without him in my life. He spoils me almost like a real husband, and our 7th anniversary is coming up October 17.  Yes, we celebrate an anniversary. I love all my husbands equally. One day I will be at their weddings.  I just wanted to tell all the young or old people out there that are scared to come out to friends/family. It’s OK to be who you are completely. If they truly love you then they will accept you for who you are, don’t for one second think that someone who say they love you truly do because if they are trying to get you to chance who you are, or make you feel ashamed of who you are then they don’t truly love you. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!!  Remember YOU, YES YOU, YOU ARE PERFECT and were created by the most high and HE DID NOT MAKE NO MISTAKE WHEN HE CREATED YOU!!!!!!!!!  *kiss*